Male Sex Toys

There are many more male sex toys available in the adult market than you would expect. The traditional favourite of men everywhere, the cock ring, is now successfully being rivalled by anal sex toys, anal beads, dildos, anal douches, vibrators, sex dolls, gay sex toys such as anal plugs and prostate stimulators, male masturbators, penis sleeves, chastity belts, penis pumps and male sex enhancement products.

Cock Rings and Toys

Traditionally worn at the base of the penis, a cock ring can maintain an erection that can be thicker, firmer and longer lasting due to it restricting the blood flow to the penis. This can therefore be beneficial to both partners. Cock rings in the form of sex toys are usually made from silicone or rubber, which have a slight give in them. Some silicone cock rings even have removable vibrating bullets included and some have clitoral stimulating nodules attached for added gratification for the female partner. Cock rings that are made of leather or metal are classified as cock and ball torture devices as they have very little, or in the case of the metal cock rings, no give in them at all and are for men that are more into pleasure and pain than merely pleasure. Male chastity devices also fit into this category. Intended to keep the male under lock and key, an erection is virtually impossible to achieve whilst wearing one.

Anal Sex Toys

Anal sex toys such as anal douches, anal beads and anal plugs (also known as butt plugs) can be used by men and women alike. This can also be said for anal vibrators. As one of the oldest forms of sex aids anal beads are available in a variety of lengths each containing differing numbers of beads. These beads usually get larger the further down the string you go. Anal beads are designed to dramatically increase orgasmic sensations if withdrawn at the point of ecstasy. Anal plugs are often bulbous in design and stimulate the anal passage when thrust in and out. They are usually made of silicone for easier insertion and come in varying sizes, most of which have a suction cup base so they will stick to almost any surface, leaving hands free for other pursuits. Vibrators usually come in the form of vibrating butt plugs and multispeed anal vibrators. Male g-spot vibrators, as the name suggests, are solely designed for the benefit of men, and have a specially curved tip aimed at stimulating this region. Prostrate stimulators are also specifically for the arousal of men.

Penis Pumps

Male sex pumps, also known as penis pumps, aim to enhance not only the girth of the penis but also the length and the hardness. This is achieved by placing the penis in a cylinder which is attached to a hand pump. When the pumping action is applied a vacuum in the cylinder is achieved causing additional blood to rush to the penis. Some pumps also come with multispeed vibrators built in often leading to a more quickly achievable erection. The size augmentation of the penis is only designed to be a temporary measure however some pumps claim that if used regularly this will result in a permanent increase in length and girth.

Male Masturbators and Sex Dolls

For masturbatory pleasures, as well as consisting of penis pumps (which can also be categorised as male masturbators), male sex aids consist of penis sleeves that have patterns and nodules on the inside to provide different sensations and can be either single or open ended, oral sex simulators, realistic feeling replica vaginas and anuses, and penis tubes which also consist of varying inner sleeves, some of which vibrate. Sex dolls, featuring up to three different tight, succulent love holes depending on the model, are becoming increasing popular. They are not just used as male masturbators but are also employed for fun threesome activities with a partner.

Moreover, with male sex enhancement products that are intended to increase the volume of sperm released, pheromones to increase sexual appeal and sprays to heighten the quality and longevity of an erection also commonplace, there are an abundance of sex toys and enhancers available for men nowadays.

For more information on the type of adult sex toys available for men, please visit the Sinful Sensations website.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Different Kinds of Male Sex Toys

Being in an adult relationship means that most likely, you and your partner have already gone through everything that can be thought of and this would not exclude sex. Even with a casual relationship, sleeping with each other is already accepted by the general public right now. In any case, men and women want to find more ways to enhance the pleasure they can derive from making love. Men and women want to feel pleasure as well as to return the favor to their partner. One of the many ways to enhance their pleasurable experience is with the use of sex toys. From the time of its inception, these kinds of toys have really evolved. Today, certain toys are already manufactured for each gender. There are toys that can be use only by men, toys for women, and toys that can be used by both. If you are looking for toys made for men, then you should get more familiar with them first, so that you will know what kind of toy you really want.

One of the more popular toys used by men these days is called the male masturbators. Such a device is designed to have a penis sleeves that are designed to have certain nodules and patterns on its interior side, which will provide different sensations. Such products are usually designed to mimic the form or the looks of a female vagina. It is usually made of silicone or soft rubber to provide that soft realistic feeling when you are using it. In most cases, men prefer the kinds of female vagina toys that vibrate, since it provides further satisfaction to them.

If you are looking for a male sex toy that can also increase the chances of improving your length and girth, then you should consider buying a penis pump. Most penis pumps are made not only to increase the girth and length of the male member, but also to increase its hardness. This is usually done by placing the penis inside a cylindrical tube, which is attached to a hand pump. When you begin to pump, additional blood would rush to the penis because of the vacuum effect inside the cylinder. Some people claim that they like the kind of penis pumps that have built-in vibrators. This is because it provides them a faster way to achieve erection, as well as making the experience more pleasurable. In most cases, the improvement of the penis’ girth and length is only temporary; however, many manufacturers have claimed that their products provide a more lasting or permanent effect when used regularly.

Men, who want to explore more and make use of their imagination, prefer to use Sex dolls. These kinds of sex toys are usually made with soft rubber. Different manufacturers produce them; therefore, you can expect different designs and looks. For certain though, they will be made to look as realistic as possible. Aside from that, sex dolls are usually equipped with one to three different love holes, which are usually tight and succulent. Such dolls are not just used to provide men with pleasure, but they can also be used by partners for a good threesome experience.

Whatever kind of male sex toys you decide to make use of, make sure that you acquire it from a reliable source. There are a number of websites that offer them today. Choose those that offer such products in great deals and those that can ship them discreetly.

Certified Adult Home Party Association (CAHPA) – A non profit advocate for the adult party industry with a focus on supporting and establishing a a positive overall image for the industry. Please visit us to learn more about setting up a bachelorette party, girls night out, and sex toys

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

What Your Tweenager Must Know About Sex

When your child leaves home for regular school, his family ties are very strong, but his school teacher, school-mates, their parents and the highly-admired football hero or class leader offer information and points of view that also help to shape his outlook on life. He will hear more, do more, deal more, and watch more TV, than ever before.

Sometimes a Junior School child (7 to 9) seems to have forgotten all about sex. Smith is extra coy, John is not one bit interested in the bare bodies of the other sex, Susan objects to being seen without her clothes. It means that your child has begun to sense the customs of the world he lives in and is trying to adjust. Sexual questions are less frequent and your child may even refuse to hear you talk about sex.

Several things seem to contribute to the lessening of sex desires at this age. There is a change in the sex glands; growth hormones become more active and sex hormones quieten down (for a few, short years!) There is also the more varied and active life that your child leads. He is able to do and understand more things and has less need to find bodily pleasure in every experience.

This does not make the Junior School child an utter blank, sexually. Obviously, children vary. Some may shift their interest to and from sex at one age, some at another, some not at all. Some may delight in telling dirty jokes or using swear words.

It is up to you to try to encourage self-confidence and strengthen the areas that are blossoming, cheer accomplishments, answer any questions that come up promptly, patiently and truthfully, so that wrong information, that has to be later undone, is not picked up. And do expect to have these all-important questions come up over and over again. Answering them will be basic preparation for the time when sex begins to concern him or her more personally.

Nowadays, some schools keep animals which give a chance to the children to become familiar with mating, birth and suckling of the young. It is easier for children to learn these facts in an impersonal situation in school and they can discuss and clear up further questions at home.

Sometimes you may have to explain ‘bad words’ briefly, just to dispel the notion that there is something mysterious and special about them – after which you can make it plain, without punishment, that such talk is a form of bad manners, like nose-picking or urinating in public, and that it is offensive to most people.

Middle-schoolers (9 to 12) have to be formally prepared for the great and vital changes which bring their bodies to maturity. It is a time that tries the patience and understanding of even the best parents – the child answers back, is sloppy, noisy, and disobedient. On the other hand, the pre-teen’s blunt interest in facts makes him a good subject for certain aspects of sex education.

So, although your daughter may talk brashly and openly about sex (that is, if you have a good rapport), and your son may show an unholy appetite for lurid magazines and movies, they are merely extending a growing interest in all areas of life. Their own sexual development is not very mature and they are not yet troubled by the urges of the adolescent.

What are the kinds of questions you can expect to hear from your pre-teen? Most probably, the questions they have asked you before, except that the terms are grown-up. Sometimes they’ll sound as though they don’t know anything. Even so, they are ready and need more exact knowledge. Make the information as specific and matter-of-act as possible, using correct words and terms.

Don’t be afraid if, at this stage, your child shows an interest in “unwelcome” subjects like rape, adultery, out-of-wedlock babies, violence and tragedies. Here’s your opportunity to dispel unpleasant and perhaps frightening misinformation and give a balanced view so that your child doesn’t get the idea that these troubles are the rule rather than an exception. You can also bring in the role of communication and love in a meaningful relationship.

If sexual curiosity seems too intense and troubling, look behind possible causes like a new baby in the house, parental neglect or the absence or infidelity of a parent.

Now sometimes, even if you are ready and willing to talk frankly, your child may find it hard to think and talk about sex. Some children smother their curiosity, some feel that grown-ups are embarrassed and consult their friends.

Perhaps you should examine your own attitude. Was your past communication incomplete, unclear or dull? Admit it and start afresh on a more realistic footing. You may have to look for openings to give your child the information he needs to know or to bring out bottled feelings. A wedding, a pregnancy or a birth are good casual starting points. And when your child discovers that you can talk freely, he will become less fearful and more ready to air his thoughts.

Here are some guidelines to help you provide factual information for your child between 7 and 12, to prepare him or her easily and comfortably for the deeper issues of adolescence.

BABY TALK

“How did you make me?” “How did I get inside Mummy?”

Sixes and sevens may be content just to hear that Daddy starts the baby inside Mummy.

For an older child, who wants to know more, explains it thus: There is a thick fluid in Daddy’s body which contains many tiny cells and he puts this in Mummy’s body where it joins another cell and this starts the baby in a special place called the womb.

What does daddy’s cells look like?

They are shaped like tadpoles or apostrophes. Each has a round head and a long, tapering tail which sways back and forth to take it to Mummy’s womb. About 250 of these measure one centimeter.

What does mummy’s cell look like?

It is round and about the size of the head of a pin. It is 125 times bigger than daddy’s cell.

How do daddy and mummy’s cells get together?

The fluid containing daddy’s cells comes out through his penis and joins mummy’s egg cell inside her body. This is called mating or sexual intercourse. It is done when two people love each other and want to be close.

Your child will certainly not understand this the first time it is explained. He’s too innocent, too inexperienced. He might find it funny – peculiar and silly rather than sexy. However, he’ll probably see it as just one more amazing aspect of his great, big, wonderful world.

When he is on the threshold of his teens, you can explain that, during intercourse, the father’s penis increases in length, becomes stiff and stands up at an angle from the body. This is an ‘erection’. It allows the father to insert his penis into the mother’s vagina where the cells are released in the thick fluid or ‘semen’. This is also the time when you can substitute words like ‘sperm’ and ‘ovum’ for male and female dells, adding that only one sperm can fertilize an ovum.

How does cell become a baby?

Once daddy’s cell enters mummy’s cell, it is ‘fertilized’ and starts dividing into two and then four and then eight until it becomes billions. And then these billion cells become the fingers and toes, legs and arms, nerves and muscles of the complete body.

At two months, the bay is 1½ cm long and floats in the womb in a bag of water; at four months it weights a quarter kilo; at six months, the mother can feel the baby move; at nine months, the baby is ready to come out into the world. (Show your child a pregnant neighbor or relative).

Can you get a baby every time you mate?

No, unless one of daddy’s cells finds and penetrates mummy’s cell, a baby will not be started. You might add at a later stage that just one cell is formed in mummy’s body each month and it lives for only a few days.

Why can’t mummy’s egg go into daddy?

Because men’s and women’s bodies are made differently. Daddy’s body has no place in which a baby can grow. Mummy’s body has a womb (don’t say ‘tummy’) which is at the upper end of the vagina, where a baby can develop and grow.

Make your son feel that being a daddy and supporting a family is just as important as bearing a baby.

When do mummy and daddy mate?

You don’t have to feed him unnecessary details. Just say that mating is a part of loving and wanting to have babies.

Is ‘semen’ the same as urine?

Since there is only one opening in the penis, your small son may imagine that semen and urine are the same. The answer is: No, Semen is a special, thick fluid whose only purpose is to carry male sperm cells to the outside of the body. Urine, which is a body waste, uses the same passage-way through the penis, but comes from a storage sac called the ‘bladder’ and never appears at the same time as semen.

How is baby born?

When the time comes, the mother gets signal from her stomach muscles. They get ready to push the baby out into the world through a special opening in her body which gets larger to let the baby out. Usually the baby comes out head first. The mother goes to a hospital where the doctor will help her deliver the baby.

Childbirth is often painful – let your child know this – but reassure her that the body is built to manage the process successfully. Your child will be thrilled to visit a newborn baby.

How big is the baby when she is born?

About 2½ or 3½ kilos – sometimes more, sometimes less. (Show her a baby-size doll). You were 3 kilos when you were born. If a baby arrives much earlier than it should and is very small, she may need special care.

How does the baby breathe inside the mother?

Baby doesn’t breathe air through her lungs the way you do. She gets her air from the mother’s blood, which reaches her through a tube called the ‘umbilical cord’.

Why do I have a belly button?

This is where the umbilical cord attached you to Mummy’s body. After you were born it was cut and tied. The place where it was is your belly button. You must keep it clean.

Does it hurt when the cord is cut?

(A child connects cutting any part of the body with pain.) An umbilical cord is made of tissue and there is no feeling when it is cut. It’s like cutting a nail or hair.

WHEN I GROW UP, I WANNA BE LIKE MUMMY.

What’s in that packet?

They’re just some sanitary pads that take up moisture. Mothers and big girls wear them to protect their clothing from a discharge that appears now and then. This discharge contains some waste blood and other substances that are not needed in the body at that time. The pads are used like a bandage.

What’s matter with my Sister?

Your son may wonder why his sister doesn’t join him with gusto in his games on certain days. This is a good time to tell him that she is having a ‘period’, as she is growing up to be like Mummy. Then explain in slightly more detail keeping the nitty-gritty for when he is older.

What is menstruation?

The word means “monthly flow” and it describes one part of the process by which your body prepares itself every 28 days or so for having a baby.

Every month, about two weeks before ‘menstruation’, an egg cell is formed in one of the two ovaries, the oval-shaped organs located at either side of the womb.

When one of the egg cells leaves the ovary, it finds its way into one of the fallopian tubes, of which there are two. This is called ‘ovulation.’

If the woman has had ‘intercourse’ and the egg is ‘fertilized’ by a male sperm cell, it travels down the tubes and attaches itself to the wall of the womb. Here it begins the great and wonderful process of creating a baby.

In getting ready for this, the lining of the womb thickens into a velvety surface with an extra supply of rich blood which nourishes the fertilized egg. If ‘fertilization’ does not take place, the womb doesn’t need the lining and it is drained away. It is this flow of blood from the vagina that we call “menstruation”.

This happens every month although it may be irregular for some time. It usually starts between 11 and 14, but each girl develops, at her own pace. Eventually it usually takes place once every 28 days, and lasts for 4 to 6 days.

It is wise to prepare your daughter from the age of nine. Tell her: During the next few years, your breast will appear, your hips will widen, hair will sprout under your arms, and in your ‘pubis’ (explain where it is), you will grow rapidly in height and weight (more so than boys of your age, that is, between 9 and 12), your skin may break out in pimples. And you may have your first period.

Her first period should be natural and expected and something to be proud of, rather than a shocking surprise. Help mould a healthy acceptance by the ease with which you can explain it; let your own childhood bad memories now become your strengths.

Unfortunately, old wives’ tales and taboos have led many women to regard menstruation as unclean, probably because it was believed that the person was ill and that the discharge might contaminate food. This led to all kinds of unhealthy restrictions – no baths, no exercise, no fresh air, no cooking, even no sitting at the dining table, so that it is even called a “curse”. It is better to use the term “period” (although the jocular school-girl term, “chum” will do) and to stress that menstruation is not an illness but a basic and beautiful aspect of being a woman.

Put your daughter in the right mood by giving her a belt and a box of pads, and help her look forward to the day with anticipation. Help her select her first bra.

When the flow begins, teach your daughter how to wear the pad, how to use a deodorant, how to ensure cleanliness and bathe daily, how to continue her normal routine and what to do about the slight discomfort she might feel. An adequate supply of vitamins and minerals, especially an iron supplement, will keep her generally fit. Make the first day happy and memorable by planning a little private celebration.

Remember that doctors stress that quite often menstrual discomfort is psychosomatic, so a lot depends on a good relationship between you and your daughter and on your own attitude to menstruation.

I’m scared! Why does it have to happen?

Some girls are not too happy about what has happened to them and may not even relate their depression to menstruation. They become withdrawn, irritable, function poorly in school, sleep restlessly, overeat or lose their appetites.

Sometimes there is a cry for attention. Your attention. Make your daughter understand that it is assign of growing up, of womanhood, of being like Mummy. Tell her that if she did not menstruate, she could never have children.

Sarah feels odd because she is the first in her class to menstruate. Reassurance and time will erase this feeling.

Susan overflows into her uniform, much to her embarrassment. A sanitary panty and an extra pad to change into in school can help.

Jeannie is too shy to buy her own sanitary pads – so her mother keeps a plentiful supply in a handy place.

Quite often a father who cuddles and dandles a little girl on his knees stops doing so abruptly when she reaches puberty. Make her feel that being Daddy’s Big Girl is as important as being Daddy’s Baby Doll. Do grown-up things with her; teach her to waltz, buy her a pretty dress and high-heeled shoes.

Parents, both of you together, can see her through this stage with sympathy, understanding and patience.

Does it hurt?

Usually not. But if it does, an aspirin and a hot-water bottle will make you well.

Cramps are often a sign of tension and worry. If your daughter’s periods are unusually painful, check with your doctor.

Why does menstruation begin before I want to have a baby?

It’s Nature’s way of getting you ready, a sign of growing up and becoming a woman, proof that you are perfectly healthy and normal.

When will my periods end?

Again, this depends on the woman. Generally, it ends between the ages of 47 and 52. They may stop suddenly or they may lessen over some years before finally stopping. This is called menopause and marks the end of a woman’s child-bearing years. Menstruation also stops for the nine months when a woman is pregnant.

LITTLE BOYS BECOME BIG BOYS, TOO

When will I become a man?

An eleven-year-old boy should similarly be prepared for the changes that will occur in his body. He may grow taller, hair will spring out of his armpits and groin, a beard will begin to appear, the size of his genitals will increase, his voice will change and embarrass him by slipping into soprano, he might get acne because of the chemical changes that are taking place in his blood.

These are Nature’s signs that he is coming of age, that he is becoming a man.

It is better for a father to explain all these changes. If you’ve been friends all along, that’s fine. But it’s also a good time to start, before you find the gap between you too large to bridge. After all it’s hard to delve straight into ticklish issues like masturbation and night emissions, which will affect him later in his teenage years.

BEWARE OF THAT ONE

Continue warning and educating your child about strangers and other suspicious adults. There are wicked, nasty sick people who harm children although they are not into majority. Be cautious about any adult who seems to be highly interested in your child and wants to spend a lot of time, especially nights, alone with him or her. Without being over-scary, stress that he or she must…

tell you about any improper advances made by adults, any adults – be they family members, teachers or coaches or priests.
ignore requests to give directions when he or she is alone.
not accept gifts or job-offers from a stranger and inform you when such an offer is made.
not keep any secrets from you.
differentiate between good and bad ‘touching’. Sometimes, seemingly innocent play leads to intimate body contact.
work out ways, like running and screaming, if threatened or abducted.

We ‘humans’ have got the life a billion years ago. There have been five mass extinctions in earth’s history. We are living through the sixth. And now we too are running at a pace to end it all. This time it will be our fault.

The new discoveries and inventions have made our lifestyle full of convenience. But our bodies require work. Just like the sedentary water starts smelling, the sedentary lifestyle has given rise to many chronic diseases like the heart problems, diabetes and hypertension.

Today, the health researchers are suggesting that most of the chronic diseases that have appeared in man’s life are due to STRESS. From where it has come. It is the bi-product of our so-called modern lifestyle.

We are standing at the edge of cliff. Immediate actions are required to bring back the healthy days. We must incorporate exercise, balanced diet, sound sleep, and the most importantly happy and positive thoughts to our lifestyle to get rid of all health problems.

I believe “The opposite of great truth is also true.”

Day and Night, Work and Rest, Art and Science… they all looks opposite but my viewpoint is they compliment each other.

The more you relax, the more you active. Life is a balance between what we can and what we cannot. Learn to live between effort and surrender.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Safer Sex Menu

Safer sex can be fun and you won’t have to worry as much. The best advice is to use safer sex supplies until you and your lover are in a monogamous relationship.

- Saucy phone-sex or sex talk
- A luscious body massage
- Naughty videos & audios
- Scrumptious body licking
- A spicy striptease
- Savory kissing
- Mouth watering mutual masturbation
- Tasty cleavage fornication
- Juicy oral delights with a condom or rubber dam
- Steamy sex with vibrators and other adult toys (Not shared)
- Delicious penetration with an FDA approved condom

- Sugary caresses
- Syrupy love bites served gently
- Sweet body pressing
- Warm blows of breath
- Creamy cuddles

Condom Talk

If your lover gives you a hard time about wearing a condom, here are some good responses and excellent reasons why you need to use one.

Him: I don’t think condoms are romantic.
Her: Just let me show you how romantic condoms can be.
Him: You don’t trust me, do you?
Her: It’s not a matter of trust; it’s a matter of health.
Him: I don’t like to use condoms.
Her: I don’t have sex without them.
Him: I haven’t had sex with anyone in years so I know I’m clean.
Her: Thanks for being so honest, but let’s use one anyway.
Him: I can’t feel anything when I wear a condom.
Her: Let me provide you with some extra stimulation.
Him: I know I’ll lose my erection by the time I get it on.
Her: Here, let me put it on for you with my mouth.
Him: I’m only going to use a condom this once.
Her: Once is all it takes.
Him: Sorry, I don’t have one.
Her: That’s ok. I do.
Him: How come you have condoms on you? Did you plan to have sex with me?
Her: I made sure I had some because I really care about you.
Him: Forget it. I’m not going to use a condom.
Her: Fine. Then let’s not have sex until we can work out our differences.

Dr. Ava Cadell’s Sexual Consent Form

Who needs it and why use it?

Superstar athletes, actors, rock stars, politicians, even entrepreneurs have groupies that will do just about anything to have sex with them, but can they be trusted? Will they lie about the act being consensual? Could they threaten to sue or worse still, make an accusation about sexual assault? You bet they can! So how can these people who are regularly out of town and away from home, which can lead to loneliness and result in temptation, protect themselves? Condoms can protect from the Std’s and unwanted pregnancy. Another form of protection is to have a signed sexual consent form before having any sex as I described on TV’s Celebrity Justice, CNN , ABC , Fox News and Good Morning America

If you think that a sexual consent form is only for the rich and famous, think again. Even if you have no assets, you need to protect yourself from false accusations because you can lose everything including your personal property, freedom and reputation. There are many other benefits to signing a sexual consent form, including the fact that you literally open up a form of intimate communication prior to rushing into sex. And, ladies the sexual consent form can protect you from being taken advantage of sexually because there is an -out clause- that stipulates that if you say the words -Code Red,- your partner must stop immediately. I chose this phrase because the words -No- and -Stop- have been used all too frivolously in our society and unfortunately, they are not always taken seriously. By using the sexual consent form with an FDA approved condom, you could protect yourself legally and sexually.
Benefits of a Sexual Consent Form
- I created it so that there will be no confusion or miscommunication as far as sexual consent is concerned.
- It protects men from conniving women who may bring false charges of sexual misconduct for financial gain.
- Even men who have no assets need to protect themselves from false accusations because they can lose everything that is dearest to them. Property, freedom and their reputation.
- This form is actually a way for the man to ask for permission to have sex with the woman.
- Women should NOT sign it if they do not trust the man are not ready for intimacy.
- It can be a form of foreplay before you get to the bedroom since you get to talk about sex before rushing into it. Great communication.
- The woman can select which sexual activities she wants to indulge in.
- -No- & -Stop- has been used frivolously, playfully and teasingly & is not taken seriously anymore. The phrase Code Red will not be mistaken for anything other than -high alert- hands off, you’ve gone too far. A similar ‘Out Clause’ is used in consensual bondage.
- Code Red is an alert that means stop because I am having physical or emotional problems. He must stop instantly.
- Any contract is contestable, even a prenuptial or Will. But if I were accused, I would rather go to court with it than without it. It would be admissible and relevant as evidence of consent if signed by the alleged victim.
- It’s a great way to keep tabs on how many sex partners you’ve had.
- This is not a rape tool. On the contrary, I believe that it will prevent rape. A rapist is less likely to use a sexual consent form.
- As for the argument that a woman can be forced into signing it, I contend that a handwriting expert could probably identify a forced signature.
- There is never a guarantee that someone will NOT take advantage of you sexually, emotionally or physically. The best line of defence is always to be cautious and listen to your gut instincts. Never do anything that you do not want to do!

Is Oral Sex really Sex?
It is ridiculous to view oral sex as -not sex.- It’s just as intimate as sexual intercourse, so why would you engage in oral sex with someone you wouldn’t want to have intercourse with? Well, I’ll tell you why. It all started in 1998 when then President Bill Clinton stated publicly, -I did not have sexual relations with that woman- even though he had repeatedly received oral sex from his intern, Monica Lewinsky. Now there is the growing problem of defining what sex really is. In the minds of many teenagers, oral sex isn’t really sex. They seem to think they can stay virgins by engaging in oral sex because their hymen isn’t broken. That’s like saying, you can have anal sex and remain a virgin. Technically, it’s true, but theoretically and emotionally it’s not. Some guys also think they aren’t cheating when they have oral sex with another woman because they can’t get her pregnant. Giving and receiving oral sex is one of the most intimate and erotic acts that can be exchanged within a loving adult relationship and yes, it is sex!
Oral sex isn’t a safe sex activity

Although oral sex is safer than vaginal and anal sex, it is still possible to contract Std’s. The bottom line is that oral sex should be avoided if the giver has any sores or bleeding gums in the mouth. Even if he or she has just brushed or flossed their teeth, it can cause microscopic scratches in the lining of the mouth that makes one vulnerable to infection. Because of this, doctors advise the use of condoms for fellatio (flavored condoms are best) and the use of female condoms, dental dams or kitchen plastic wrap) for cunnilingus.

Better to be safe than sorry

Many people are unclear on the risks associated with oral sex. Unprotected oral sex carries a lesser risk for the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (Std’s) than unprotected intercourse or anal penetration, but there’s still a risk for both the giver and the receiver of oral sex. First let’s look at how to avoid these contagious Std’s by practicing safer sex.

Safer Sex Supplies

If you love yourself, you must protect yourself. Ladies, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy the eroticism of oral sex and practice safer sex at the same time. Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, you’ll want to have some of the safer sex supplies around to help you add more pleasure, persity and spontaneity to your oral sex adventures.

Female Condoms

Reality Condoms are the most well known, but they recently changed their name to FC Female Condoms. Femidom is another brand of female condoms. Most female condoms work the same way. They’re made of polyurethane (stronger than latex), are hypo-allergenic, heat conductive, and odorless. They are a soft, loose-fitting sheath specifically designed to protect women from pregnancy and Std’s by lining the inside of her vagina. Read the instructions before inserting it because if you don’t insert it correctly, it’s like not using protection at all. The female condom has to go deep inside the vagina and over the cervix.

Dental Dams

Aptly named because they are used by dentists to isolate a tooth. Dental dams come in various sizes and flavors. Made of ultra think latex, these square shaped barriers allow good sensations for oral sex. Sheer Glyde Dams are FDA approved for protection against Std’s for cunnilingus and rimming. The best way to use a dam is for the giver to mark the -mouth- side of the dam with a marker so that they knows which side to lick, then apply a couple of drops of lubricant on the other side, press the dam against her vulva with two hands and enjoy.

Latex Gloves and Finger Cots

Good oral sex involves the hands as well as the mouth. There’s nothing more exciting than orally pleasing a woman’s clitoris and fingering her vagina or anus simultaneously. By using latex gloves and or finger cots (think of them as mini condoms for your fingers) you can increase erotic sensations and protect the receiver from jagged fingernails, cuts, germs or viral Std’s such as herpes, which can be spread by skin-to-skin contact.

Lubricants

We all know, -wetter is better.- But, which lube is best? It can be very confusing because there are so many to choose from including, odorless, tasteless, water soluble lubricants with a lightconsistency and without Nonoxynol-9 spermicide. Here are some favorites: Wet Light, Astroglide, ForePlay Personal Gel, Aqua Lube, Sensua Organics and Probe Silky Light.

What Stds can I get from Oral Sex?
The following list of Std’s is the most contagious and common when it comes to performing and receiving oral sex on a person. While no one knows exactly what the degree of risk is, to ensure safeties make sure that no cuts or lesions are present in the mouth or on the genitals. Protect yourself and your partner by using a barrier to avoid the contact of bodily fluids that may result in catching a sexually transmitted disease.

Herpes is a virus that causes sporadic flare-ups of painful blisters, usually around the mouth and or genitals. Herpes can hop from mouth to mouth and from mouth to genitals through the mucous membranes and skin. It can be spread by hand to vagina or hand to anus contact. Since Herpes is such a common virus, you can get a prescription drug called Valtrex.

Genital Warts are similar to Herpes in that they are a virus that remains in your system for life. They are spread in the same way through skin to skin and mucous membrane contact. The warts have to be removed surgically by laser and the bad news is that they may reoccur anyway.

Gonorrhea is a serious bacterial Std that can be spread through unprotected oral-vaginal contact. Symptoms may not show, but vaginal burning, discharge and pelvic pain are common warning signs. The good news is that antibiotics do work, but they must be taken for weeks.

Syphilis is a severe bacterial Std that can also be spread through unprotected oral-vaginal contact, especially if there is a sore present on the mouth or her vagina. Syphilis can be deadly if it isn’t cured in the first couple of stages. The first visible sign and stage is the sore at the entrance of the vagina; the second sign is a body rash. Fortunately, Penicillin can cure Syphilis in these early stages. However, the third stage attacks the nervous system and debilitates the heart. Medications have limited success if left untreated.

Crabs and pubic lice are tiny creatures that gravitate towards the pubic hair where they live. They can be spread from one infested person to another. Symptoms include itching, swollen lymph glands and a mild fever.

Hepatitis A is a dangerous virus that can be transmitted by rimming or analingus (licking or penetrating the anal opening with your tongue). Other rimming risks include anal herpes, anal warts, internal parasites and even HIV. Hepatitis A can be prevented by getting a hepatitis A shot. In some cases hepatitis infection can cause muscle ache, fever, loss of appetite, headaches or dizziness.

Hepatitis B can be a life-threatening virus transmitted from sexual contact or contaminated needles. It’s found in blood and other body fluids, such as semen, vaginal secretions and the breast of a lactating woman. It’s possible to contract Hepatitis B when performing unprotected oral sex, especially when fluids from a carrier enter your body through a cut or sore in your mouth. Symptoms of Hepatitis B are fever, abdominal pain, jaundice and in some cases liver disease. There is no known cure, but it can be prevented with a vaccine.

Hepatitis C is the most deadly of all the hepatitis diseases. It is transmitted exclusively through direct blood contact so the receiver of oral sex must be menstruating, and the person going down on her must have a cut or sore on his mouth. There is no known cure or vaccine for hepatitis C at this time. Symptoms include the same as for A and B, plus dark urine, light stool colors, yellow eyes or skin and tenderness of the liver area.

HIV/AIDS can be fatal when the blood, semen, vaginal secretions or breast milk of an infected person enters another person’s bloodstream through a cut, sore or blood vessel. If you perform oral sex on a menstruating partner, you could be at risk. Even if you have recently flossed or brushed your teeth, it’s possible that you cut your gums and you could be at risk. HIV doesn’t have any immediate warning signs so it’s possible to have the virus for years and transmit it to others. The first symptoms of AIDS are weight loss, night sweats, pneumonia and other illnesses related to a low immune system. There is no known cure or vaccine for AIDS, but combinations of medications can slow the virus down.
How to properly put on a male condom
Prepare: Always check your condom for an expiration date, throw it out if it is expired. Also, make sure to store condoms in a cool place, such as a desk drawer, never store a condom in your wallet, hot environments (such as in your car) or if it has been washed or dried by accident. Don’t hesitate to get a new condom if you have any doubts.

The penis must be erect in order to put on the condom. Do not attempt to put a condom on if the penis is limp.

Opening: Be careful when opening the package, condoms can rip very easily. Feel free to use your teeth, in a sexy manner, but be careful.
If the man’s penis is not circumcised, be sure to pull the foreskin back first.

The condom should be right side out. Make sure to unroll the condom slightly at first in order to check which direction it is unrolling in. Slip it over the head of the penis; moving downward (it should unroll easy). (Hint: try putting the condom on with your mouth, watch your teeth.)

It is important that you hold the top half inch of the condom between your thumb and forefinger when you roll it down. This will leave space for when your man ejaculates.

Roll down the condom as far as it will allow, it should reach the base of the penis.

In the case of anal intercourse (remember: always use a condom during anal intercourse, even if you cannot get pregnant) use a lot of lubricant, the anal region is not naturally lubricated and can tear more easily than the vagina. For intercourse, a water-based lubricant is best. Always apply lubricant after the condom has been put on, a condom could easily slip off of a lubricated penis. Apply lubricant as often as needed, dry condoms break more easily.

For Men: make sure that when you pull out, you continue to hold the condom in place at the base of the penis. If possible, pull out while your penis is still erect. It is imperative that you remove the condom only after you are completely out of your partner’s vagina.

Once you have safely removed the condom, throw it away immediately, a condom can be used once, and only once. In the case of anal intercourse, make sure you use an entirely new condom, never switch from vaginal to anal intercourse with the same condom. A man should never ejaculate in the same condom twice, and should also never wear a condom that somebody else has already used.

Also, remember never to use more than one condom at a time. -Doubling Up- only increases the chances of the condom breaking.

Using a female condom
How to properly put on a female condom:

The female condom is a sleeve of polyurethane with a closed end and a larger open end. There is a flexible ring in each end.
Have a condom fashion show
We all need to know about safer sex practices. And, safer sex can be very sexy and fun. For those of you using condoms, experiment with different kinds of condoms and practice putting them on manually and orally.

Condoms:
There are many kinds of condoms including flavored, polyurethane, extra-large, snug fitting, extra-sensitive, and condoms with nubs and stimulators. Here are some examples for you to choose from and experiment with:

Latex: Mentor, Ramses, Durex, Global Protection, Sheik, Pleaser, Kimono, Lifestyles, Crown, Magnum, trojan, Contempo, Paradise

Natural: Fourex, Natural Lamb, Skin Kling

Polyurethane: Avanti, Reality for women (female condom)

New Condoms:
Pleasure Plus Bulbus Head (Gives room inside the condom for the head of the penis to have more friction.)

Custom fit condoms by condomania.com.
You can also experiment with dental dams, latex gloves or finger cots.
Safer Sex Activities
- Cuddling and caressing
- Dry kissing
- Undressing
- Phone sex
- Watching or reading erotica
- Cleavage fornication
- Massage
- Mutual Masturbation
- Manual stimulation
- Oral sex with an FDA approved condom or rubber dam
- Sex toys unshared
- Intercourse with a condom and spermicide

Unsafe Sex
- French kissing in the presence of open sores or cuts
- Manual stimulation in the presence of open sores or cuts
- Oral sex without a barrier
- Sharing unclean sex toys
- Sucking the breasts of a lactating woman
- Vaginal or anal intercourse without an FDA approved condom
- Penetration of anything from the anus to the vagina
- Never blow or force air into the vagina because it can cause an embolism that could be fatal, especially if the woman is pregnant.

Birth Control Methods

NuvaRing-99.7%; $30-$35/ monthly. Protects against pregnancy for one month, no pill to take daily, does not require a -fitting- by a clinician, does not require the use of spermicide, nothing to put in place before intercourse. Possible: more regular, shorter periods, less: menstrual flow and cramping, acne, iron deficiency anemia, excess body hair, headaches, depression and vaginal dryness and painful intercourse associated with menopause, reduces the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, pelvic inflammatory disease, noncancerous growths of the breasts, ovarian cysts, and osteoporosis (thinning of the bones), fewer occurrences of ectopic pregnancy (in a fallopian tube), ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped. Increased vaginal discharge, vaginal irritation or infection, cannot use a diaphragm, cap, or shield for a backup method of birth control, rare but serious health risks, including blood clots, heart attack, and stroke (women who are 35 and older and smoke are at a greater risk), change in sex drive and temporary irregular bleeding, weight gain or loss, breast tenderness, nausea (rarely, vomiting, changes in mood, and other discomforts)

Patch- 99.7%;$30-$40/month supply of patches. Protects against pregnancy for one month, no pill to take daily, nothing to put in place before intercourse, Possible: more regular, shorter periods, less: menstrual flow and cramping, acne, iron deficiency anemia, excess body hair, premenstrual symptoms (such as related headaches and depression) and vaginal dryness and painful intercourse associated with menopause, reduces the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, pelvic inflammatory disease, noncancerous growths of the breasts, ovarian cysts, and osteoporosis (loss of bone mass), fewer occurrences of ectopic pregnancy (in not in the uterus), ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped Skin reaction at the site of application, menstrual cramps, may not be as effective for women who weigh more than 198 pounds, rare but serious health risks, including blood clots, heart attack, and stroke (women who are 35 and older and smoke are at a greater risk), other side effects include change in sex drive and temporary irregular bleeding, weight gain or loss, breast tenderness, nausea (rarely, vomiting, changes in mood, and other discomforts).

POPs (Progestin-only Birth Control Pills)- 92-99.7%; $20-$35/ monthly. Can be used by women who cannot take estrogen, nothing has to be put in place before vaginal intercourse, can be used while breastfeeding, ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped, irregular bleeding patterns, headache, nausea, dizziness, sore breasts, must be taken at the same time of day each day to reduce the risk of pregnancy and irregular bleeding

IUD- 99.2-99.9%; $175-$500/ exam, insertion, and follow-up visit. Nothing to put in place before intercourse, ParaGard® (copper IUD) may be left in place for up to 12 years, Mirena® (hormone IUD) for five years, no pill to take daily, Mirena® may reduce menstrual cramps, ability to become pregnant returns quickly when IUD is removed Increase in cramps and heavier and longer periods (copper IUDs), spotting between periods, increased chance of tubal infection leading to infertility if inserted when a woman has a STI, rarely, wall of uterus is punctured during insertion, rarely, insertion can cause infection, pregnancies, which rarely occur, are more likely to be ectopic (not in uterus)

Depo-Provera- 97-99.7%. $20-$40/visits to clinician. $30-$75/ injection. Can be used by women who cannot take estrogen, nothing has to be put in place before vaginal intercourse, can be used while breastfeeding, effective for 12 weeks, no pill to take daily, helps prevent cancer of the lining of the uterusirregular bleeding, headache, nausea, dizziness, sore breasts, must receive injection every three months, loss of monthly period, change of appetite, weight gain, depression, hair loss, or increased hair on the face or body, nervousness, skin rash or spotty darkening of the skin, change in sex drive, side effects not reversed until medication wears off (up to 12 weeks), causes temporary bone thinning, may cause delay in getting pregnant after shots are stopped, pregnancies, which rarely occur, are more likely to be ectopic (not in the uterus)

Abstinence-100%; Free. No medical or hormonal side effects of any kind. Many people find it difficult to abstain from sex play for long periods of time

Withdrawal- 73-96% (nearly 100% w/condom); Free (or cost of condoms). Can be used when no other method is available. Not effective against Stds, requires great self-control, experience

Sterilization- 99.5-99.9%; $2,000-$6,000/ Tubal sterilization; $350-$1,000/ vasectomy. Permanent protection against pregnancy, no lasting side effects, no effects on sexual pleasure. Risks of minor surgery, regret, usually not reversible, rarely, tubes reopen, allowing pregnancy to occur

The Pill- 92-99.7% $20-$35/monthly. Nothing to put in place before intercourse, more regular, shorter periods, less: menstrual flow, cramping, acne, iron deficiency anemia, excess body hair, headaches, depression and vaginal dryness, and painful intercourse associated with menopause. Reduces the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, pelvic inflammatory disease, noncancerous growths of the breasts, ovarian cysts, and osteoporosis (loss of bone mass), fewer occurrences of ectopic pregnancy (not in the uterus), ability to become pregnant returns quickly when use is stopped, can be used to change the timing and frequency of your period rare but serious health risks, including blood clots, heart attack, and stroke (women who are 35 and older and smoke are at a greater risk), change in sex drive, temporary irregular bleeding, weight gain or loss, breast tenderness, nausea (rarely, vomiting, changes in mood, and other discomforts), must be taken daily, persistent side effects may be relieved by having your clinician change your prescription

Diaphragm- 84-94% $15-$75/ diaphragm
No major health concerns, can be used during breastfeeding. Can be messy, allergies to latex, silicone, or spermicide, should not be used during vaginal bleeding or infection, increased risk of bladder infection, can only be left in place for up to 24 hours

Condom- 85-98% (nearly 100% with withdrawal) $0.50 and up – some family planning centers give them away or charge very little. Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play, can help relieve premature ejaculation, helps to protect against Stds and AIDS Latex allergies, loss of sensation, breakage

Female Condom- 79-95% $2.50/per condom Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play, erection not necessary to keep condom in place, can be used by people allergic to latex, external ring of condom may stimulate clitoris. May be noisy, may be difficult to insert, may irritate vagina, penis, may slip into vagina during intercourse

Sponge- 68-91% $7.50-$9/package of three sponges. Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play, does not interrupt sex play (it can be inserted hours ahead of time) May irritate sex organs, can be messy, may be difficult to remove, cannot be used during vaginal bleeding

Spermicide -71-82% $8/applicator kits of spermicide ($4-$8 refills). Easy to buy in drugstores and supermarkets, can be put on or inserted as part of sex play May irritate sex organs, can be messy

Fertitility Awareness- Based Methods (FAMs)-checking temperature daily, checking cervical mucus daily, recording menstrual cycles on calendar, keeping a very accurate record of when your period comes each month, keeping track of your menstrual cycle using a string of beads called CycleBeads 75-99% $5-$8 and up/temperature kits (drugstore).

$13/CycleBeads- Free classes often available in health and church centers No medical or hormonal side effects. Requires expert training before effective use, uncooperative partners, taking risks during -unsafe- days, poor record keeping, illness and lack of sleep affect body temperature and may interfere with the temperature method, changes caused by vaginal infections and douches may interfere with the cervical mucus method, must have regular menstrual cycles that are never shorter than 26 days and never longer than 32 days to use CycleBeads

Source: http://www.plannedparenthood.com
health information – birth control

If You Choose Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FAMs)…
… a professional will teach you how to keep track of your menstrual cycle to help you predict -safe- and -unsafe- days. Abstain from intercourse (periodic abstinence) or use condoms, diaphragms, caps, shields, or spermicide during nine or more -unsafe- days

Stds from Unprotected Intercourse
Genital Herpes- Virus; Burning sensation in genitals, low back pain, pain when urinating, flu-like symptoms, small red bumps may appear around genitals, some show no symptoms. Medications prescribed by your doctor, such as ValtrexTM

Gonorrhea-Bacteria Women: strong smelling vaginal discharge, may be thin & watery or thick & yellow/green, irritation or discharge from the anus, abnormal vaginal bleeding, possibly some low abdominal or pelvic tenderness, pain or a burning sensation when passing urine, low abdominal pain sometimes with nausea
Men: white, yellow or green thick discharge from the tip of the penis, inflammation of the testicles & prostate gland, irritation or discharge from the anus, urethral itch & pain or burning sensation when passing urine. Antibiotics (Similar to antibiotics used for Chlamydia)

Chlamydia Bacteria- Women: an unusual vaginal discharge, pain or a burning sensation when passing urine, bleeding between periods, pain during sex or bleeding after sex, low abdominal pain sometimes with nausea
Men: white/cloudy, watery discharge from the tip of the penis, pain or a burning sensation when passing urine, testicular pain and/or swelling. Antibiotics (those similar to gonorrhea). Such as, Doxycycline

Syphilis- Bacteria; Painless sores or open ulcers may appear on the anus, vagina, penis, or inside the mouth, and occasionally on other parts of the body. During the second stage (roughly three weeks to three months after the first symptoms appear), an infected person may experience flu-like symptoms and possibly hair loss or a rash on the soles and palms — and in some cases all over the body. There are also latent phases of syphilis infection during which symptoms are absent. Antibiotics. However, can be extremely dangerous if left untreated.

HIV/AIDS- Virus; Most symptoms of AIDS are not caused directly by HIV, but by an infection or other condition brought on by a weakened immune system. These include severe weight loss, fever, headache, night sweats, fatigue, severe diarrhea, shortness of breath, and difficulty swallowing. The symptoms tend to last for weeks or months at a time and do not go away without treatment. In some cases, infections result in death. Doctors can prescribe and array of medications (commonly known as a -cocktail-) to preserve life, however, there is no cure.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Adult Acne Remedy – Insane Secrets to Achieve Flawless Skin Revealed

Acne problems have often been associated with puberty. However, there are some people who continue to have various forms of acne even as an adult. One common problem faced by many adults is adult acne. Out of all the different types of acne, it is adult acne which has been considered to be the most severe type of acne plaguing adults all over the world.

What is Adult Acne?

Unlike most types of acne where blackheads or whiteheads might be present, adult acne is a type of severe nodular acne brought about infections deep within the pores. The infection causes the development of a cyst-like substance to form and accumulate within the skin. A person that is inflicted with this problem is one who eventually develops low self-esteem and confidence physically. Apart from the painful lesions brought about by adult cystic acne, a person suffering from adult cystic acne would need to deal with constant bleeding of the acne as well as the discharge of the cyst which is often characterized by a foul odor.

Causes of Adult Cystic Acne

No one can really say what causes adult cystic acne. However, there are a number of different probable causes. Some of the causes include:

· Poor hygiene
· Stress
· Hair follicles trapped underneath the surface of the skin
· Unbalanced diet

Treatment for Acne in Adults

While many may consider acne as a normal skin condition, it should not be taken lightly. In fact, in some occasions, a person suffering from this type of acne can eventually develop complications brought up about with the toxins found in the cyst. Here are some common forms of adult cystic treatments:

Prescription Medicines

Perhaps the most common form of treatment is the use of various prescription medications such as Orovo Acne and Oxycerin. These medications come usually in the form of ointments and serums. Prescription medications used in adult acne treatments are applied directly onto the skin. This is then absorbed into the inner layers of the skin, causing it to be able to treat the cyst-like substance characterized among people needing acne treatments.

Surgery

The most extreme form of treatment that is commonly being used is surgery. This type of adult acne treatment is often done is severe conditions. In this case, the depth of the cyst-like substance in the pores cannot be penetrated by other forms of adult acne remedy treatments. Here the cyst-like substance is drained out of the pores completely through a minor surgery procedure. Since this adult acne remedy does promote scarring, many of those who go through this kind of acne treatment are then referred to a cosmetic surgeon to treat the scars.

Rather using any chemical cure, it is always good and advisable to stick with natural cure! As examined before, chemicals might come with side effects, whereas natural cure will never harm you anyways. Natural ingredients like the Omega oils, Aloe Vera, and vitamin oil can create thunders and wonders with respect to adult acne cure. They could even stop swelling, redness and itchiness on your skin. For all these reasons, natural ingredients are always the best for adult acne remedy and treatment.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Adult Onset Acne – The Facts About Adult Onset Acne

As you get older, you think that your acne will just go away. Think again! Although it is typically associated with teenagers, it is a condition that can continue on our pastor teens and into adulthood. Here are a few simple suggestions that you can use to treat your adult onset acne.

The disease of acne can cause several problems in adults, including social symptoms, physical, psychological symptoms. The same concerns from having regular or cystic acne, as a preteen or teenager, may still affect you as an adult. According to clinical studies, pimples have become a rising problem with adults.

Many adults may find it hard to treat and also difficult to admit that they have acne at all causing them to not seek treatment. Most adults can actually have a more difficult time dealing with the many psychological effects because there are so many misconceptions that occur in our society.

Some people who were affected by extreme cases, especially cystic acne, as teens do grow out of it. However, there are a surprising number of adults suffer from adult onset acne, a variety of that is becoming more academic everyday.

Acne can also cause discomfort in social situations. It will lower their self-confidence. There is a enormous amount of information available about adult acne, and people who are afflicted with this condition. By seeking psychological counseling, they may be better be able to deal with the psychological effects.

Adults need to be more careful with their skin, even more so than a young adult. Dermatologists have stated for years that an adult’s skin is actually more prone to scarring from acne due to loss of collagen as their skin ages. The scars can’t heal as effectively as they would on a teenager, and therefore become more prominent.

So, there are adult acne cures available at your local store and even over-the-counter. The best solutions are typically prescribed by dermatologists. Once the awareness for this disease has increased, more people will be seeking medical help for their adult onset acne.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Adult Personals – Fulfilling Your Fantasies Through Adult Dating Websites

People are talking about adult personals. There’s no doubt about it. As regular dating sites are seen as too tame to meet their adventurous needs people are posting adult personals through adult dating websites. Every day thousands of people seeking alternative lifestyles write uncensored adult personals ads. Adult dating websites offers an enticing adult dating community where you are free to share and explore your wildest fantasies.

Imagine browsing through adult photo galleries of handsome men and beautiful women of every size and shape – just waiting to respond to your adult personals. There are many adult dating websites that have 100% free trials with no credit card or payment required to register.

In fact, adult personals are extremely steamy and attention grabbing. Upon entering an adult dating website you will find all types of adult personals. The website designs’ are user-friendly so that you can find your preferences whether its swingers personals, married personals, interracial personals, gay personals or BBW personals.

The opportunities offered by adult dating websites includes video chat rooms with sizzling video clips or watch 24hr live webcams of attractive people whose attire leaves little to the imagination. Plus, you can play interactive games or find out about the hottest adult parties and events in your area.

Some of the top adult dating websites are Yahoo adult personals and Adult Friend Finder personals. In the exciting world of adult personals, people are often looking for discreet local relationships.

But before you jump into the world of adult personals or brave the gates of any adult dating website, you should have a healthy self-image and a sense of self-liberation. What’s more, the adult dating sites contain mature material, pictures and contents for individuals seeking alternative encounters.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Codependence: A Manifestation of the Adult Child Syndrome

1. Codependence as a Concept:

Those who identify with the adult child syndrome-that is, were brought up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic, or abusive home-of-origin and suffer from arrested development-often are also afflicted with a disease known as “codependence.” What does it have to do with the fundamental syndrome and what is it to begin with?

The understanding of a concept can often be augmented with comparisons, which increase the clarity of one when discussed in relation to the other. In this case, oddly, it can be achieved with the field of astronomy and what is known as a binary star.

Consisting of two identical stars, each locks on to the other’s gravity and perpetually orbits the other until one or the other ultimately dies out. They can be considered “codependent,” because they look toward the other and therefore rely on it for their existence. They are not independent.

Adult children may, at times, engage in their own binary star symbiosis with people. But why?

2. Origin of the Term:

Those who live with or are closely associated with those who are chemically or alcoholically dependent for their daily functioning can be considered “codependent,” because they quickly become “dependent” with and through them. Although the primary person may be considered the one afflicted with the disease, the secondary one or ones, who are usually the children chronically exposed to his or her behavior, adopt a byproduct of it, struggling to keep it together and function as optimally and efficiently as they can in the world after childhood circumstances progressively pulled them apart. Liquor and/or other substances need not be present.

Indeed, para-alcoholism, an early term for codependence, implies that a person’s actions are driven by the unresolved, painful emotions and fears he was forced to shelve in order to survive the unstable and sometimes detrimental effects of being raised by the alcoholic himself.

3. Origins, Definitions, and Manifestations of the Disease:

The codependent seed is planted when a person turns his responsibility for his life and happiness to either his ego (false self) or others, becoming preoccupied with them to the extent that he temporarily rises above his own pain and, in its extreme, can entirely forget who he even is, when he consistently mirrors someone else-in other words, if he looks out here to the other, he will not have to look in there to himself.

“Codependence, (a major manifestation of the adult child syndrome), is a disease of lost self-hood,” according to Dr. Charles L. Whitfield in his book, “Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition” (Health Communications, 1991, p. 3). “It can mimic, be associated with, aggravate, and even lead to many of the physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual conditions that befall us in daily life.

“When we focus outside of ourselves, we lose touch with what is inside of us: beliefs, thoughts, feelings, decisions, choices, experiences, wants, needs, sensations, intuitions… These and more are part of an exquisite feedback system that we can call our inner life.”

In short, a person can sever his connection with his consciousness and consciousness is who he really is.

Like expecting a home appliance to operate without plugging it into an electric socket, a codependent may merge with and feed off of another to such an extent that he no longer believes he can function independently.

The origins of the malady are the same as those which cause the adult child syndrome.

“The hallmark of codependency is taking care of people who should have been taking care of you,” according to Dr. Susan Powers of the Caron Treatment Centers.

Instead of being self-centered and expecting to get their needs met, children from dysfunctional, alcoholic, or abusive homes are forced, at a very early age, to become other- or parent-centered, meeting their needs, attempting to resolve or fix their deficiencies, and sometimes making Herculean efforts to achieve their love in what may be considered an ultimate role reversal.

If this dynamic could be verbally expressed, the parent would say, “What I can’t do, you’re expected to do yourself, substituting you for me.”

And this reality may well extend beyond themselves, since they are often forced to replace their parents during times that their younger siblings have need for them, becoming surrogate mothers and fathers.

In essence, they disregard their own need for a parent and become one themselves. Instead of being nurtured, they cultivate codependence, since it places them on a path that will entail seeking it in others.

“Our experience shows that the codependent rupture, which creates an outward focus to gain love and affection, is created by a dysfunctional childhood… ,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 60.) “The soul rupture is the abandonment by our parents or caregivers… (and) sets us up for a life of looking outward for love and safety that never comes.”

This condition is only exacerbated by the same parents who neither support nor permit a child to express or heal his hurts-and may actually be met with denial or shame if he tries to do so-leaving him little choice but to stuff and swallow them, resulting in a repressed, but mounting accumulation of unresolved negative emotions. After repeated squelching of a child’s observations, feelings, and reactions-in essence, his reality-he progressively disconnects from his true self and denies his crucial inner cues.

Unraveling, he is poised on the threshold that leads from in to out-that is, toward others and away from himself, sparking the conflict between his once true and since replaced false self, which manifests itself as codependence.

Forced, additionally, to focus on his parent’s moods, attitudes, and behaviors further plants the roots of this condition, but nevertheless becomes a necessary survival tactic for two primary reasons.

First and foremost, children assume responsibility for their parents’ deficiencies and ill treatment by justifying it, erroneously reasoning that their own flaws, lack of worth, and general unloveability are the culprits for the withholds of their validation and acceptance, thus shifting the burden from the ones who should be carrying it to the one who should not.

Secondly, adopting a sixth sense concerning their parents’ moods becomes a safety gauge and enables them to emotionally and physiologically prepare themselves for what has most likely become habitual and even cyclical negative confrontations of verbal and physical abuse.

As episodes of “expected abnormalcy,” they add insurmountable layers of trauma to the original, but no longer remembered one. Unable, then or now, to use the body’s fight or flight survival mechanisms, yet still drowned in a flood of stress hormones (cortisol) and elevated energy, they have no choice but to tuck themselves into the inner child protective sanctuary they created at a very young age as the only realizable “solution” to the parental-threatened and -inflicted danger, enduring, tolerating, and downright surviving the unfair power play and “punishment” they may believe is being administered because of “deserved discipline.”

Like signals, a mere frown on or cringe of a parent’s face may prime the child for the episodes he knows will assuredly follow. So thick can the tension in the air become at these times, that he can probably cut it with a knife.

Part of the wounding, which reduces a person’s sense of self and esteem and increases his feeling of emptiness, occurs as a result of projective identification. Volatility charged, yet unable to get to the center of or bore through his emotional pain, a parent may project, like a movie on to a screen, parts of himself on to another, such as his vulnerable, captive child, until that child takes on and identifies with the projection.

Releasing and relieving himself, the sender, (the parent) does not have to own or even take responsibility for his negative feelings. If the recipient (the child) ultimately acts them out after repeated projected implanting, whose emotions now mount into uncontainable proportions, the sender may berate or belittle him for them, in an ultimate out-of-persona dynamic, which transfers emotions from one to the other.

“If we have unhealthy boundaries, we are like sponges that absorb the painful, conflicted material of others sent from their inner life,” wrote Whitfield in “Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition” (Health Communications, 1991, p. 93). “It is clearly not ours, yet we soak it up.

“(This only causes) the true self to go into hiding to protect itself from the overwhelming pain of mistreatment, abuse, lack of being affirmed and mirrored in a healthy way, and the double and other negative messages from toxic others around it,” he noted.

These incidents, needless to say, become breeding grounds for both the adult child syndrome and its codependent manifestation.

“The adult child syndrome is somewhat interchangeable with the diagnosis of codependence,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, pp. 6-7). “There are many definitions for codependence; however, the general consensus is that codependent people tend to focus on the wants and needs of others rather than their own. By doing so, the codependent or adult child can avoid his or her own feelings of low self-worth… A codependent focuses on others and their problems to such an extent that the codependent’s life is often adversely affected.”

Part of a codependent’s breeding occurs because a child needs his parents for his emotional and psychological development, yet he often dips into a dry well when he connects with them to achieve this goal, emerging dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and almost stung by the negative, rejecting energy. He may, in fact, implement several strategies to attain what he vitally needs, but will often fail, since his parents themselves never received what he seeks because of their own dysfunctional or incomplete childhoods.

If they could be considered profit-and-loss statements, they would most likely show an emotional deficit and, eventually, so, too, will the child, prompting his ultimate outward- and other- focus.

Bombarded with parental blame and shame, a child can quickly believe that he causes others’ negative or detrimental actions by virtue of his sheer existence, as if he were a negatively influencing entity and may carry both this belief and its burden for most of his life.

“As children, we took responsibility for our parents’ anger, rage, blame, or pitifulness… ,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 7). “This mistaken perception, born in childhood, is the root of our codependent behavior as adults.”

Dr. Charles L. Whitfield uncovers an even deeper cause.

“The cause of codependence is a wounding of the true self to such an extent that, to survive, it had to go into hiding most of the time, with the subsequent running of its life by the false or codependent self,” he wrote in “Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition” (Health Communications, 1991, p. 22). “It is thus a disease of lost self-hood.”

“… The child’s vulnerable true self… is wounded so often that to protect (it), it defensively submerges (splits off) deep within the unconscious part of the psyche,” he also noted (p. 27).

This split, one of the many detriments of codependence, arrests this development, as his inner child remains mired in the initial trauma that necessitated its creation. Although his chronological age may advance, his emotional and psychological progress remains suspended, creating the adult child. His body and physical statue may suggest the first part of this “adult” designation to others, but his reactions may more closely approximate the second “child” part of it.

Conflicted, he may engage in an internal battle he does not entirely understand, as his adult side wishes and needs to function at an age-appropriate level, but his child half clings to the sting of his unresolved harm, seeking sanctuary and safety. He is unable to satisfy both.

People naturally seek relief from pain and addictions and compulsions, a second manifestation of codependence, is one of the methods they employ, especially since they lack any understanding about their affliction. Because they spark the brain’s reward system, however, they only provide temporary, fleeting fixes, not solutions.

Exacerbating this dilemma is the fact that they flow from a false sense of self, which itself can only be mollified, quelled, or deceptively filled by these means.

Since their childhood circumstances were both familiar and normal to them, they subconsciously may also attract, now as adult children, those with similar upbringings by means of sixth-sense intuitions or identifications, creating a third codependent manifestation.

“… On (an even) deeper level,” according to Whitefield in “Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition” (Health Communications, 1991, p. 54), “they may also be drawn to one another in a search to heal their unfinished business and, perhaps more importantly, their lost self.”

Nevertheless, inter-relating with others who themselves function from the deficit-dug holes in their souls, they only re-create the childhood dynamics they experienced with their parents, substituting their partners for them and suffering a secondary form of wounding over and above the primary one sustained in childhood. In effect, they become another link in the intergenerational chain.

Even if they encounter whole, loving people, who are able to provide the needed acceptance and validation they crave, they are unable to accept it, since they do not function from the true self that otherwise could-nor, in the event, do they even believe that they deserve it. It bounces off of them like an image on a mirror, only creating yet a fourth byproduct of codependence.

Aside from the codependent foundation laid in childhood by dysfunctional parents, who themselves were wounded and caused the adult child syndrome upon which its codependent aspect was based, the condition is far more prevalent in society than may at first be apparent. Continually, but sometimes subtly modeled, it can almost be considered contagious.

4. Identifying Codependence:

One of the frustrating aspects of codependence is that it either wears a disguise or remains altogether hidden, prompting the behavioral modifications and almost-scripted roles of those who suffer from it, such as rescuer, people-pleaser, perfectionist, overachiever, victim, martyr, lost child, comedian, mascot, bully, and even abuser, that deludes others to the fact that it is present. The motivation for such behavior is not always immediately apparent.

Nevertheless, there are several traits which characterize codependence.

Sparked by the need to protect the traumatized inner child and arising, in part, from disordered relationships, it results, first and foremost, in the creation of the false self, which replaces the genuine, intrinsic one, and becomes the root of all other addictions and compulsions. The emptier a person feels inside, the more he seeks to fill that void outside.

“Codependence is not only the most common addiction,” according to Whitefield in “Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition” (Health Communications, 1991, pp. 5-6), “it is the base out of which all our other addictions and compulsions emerge. Underneath nearly every addiction and compulsion lies codependence. And what runs them is twofold: a sense of shame that our true self is somehow defective or inadequate, combined with the innate and healthy drive of our true self that does not realize and (cannot) express itself. The addiction, compulsion, or disorder becomes the manifestation of the erroneous notion that something outside ourselves can make us happy and fulfilled.”

And underlying codependence is shame and a deep belief that the person is inadequate, incomplete, and flawed.

Avoiding his own negative feelings and painful past, he becomes externally and other-focused, yet is unable to genuinely connect with them, with himself, or with a Higher Power of his understanding through the false or pseudo-self he was forced to create. In fact, this has the opposite or repelling effect.

His boundaries, another aspect of the disease, may be distorted, undefined, and extend beyond himself.

Finally, as a defense, codependence is learned, acquired, progressive, and inextricably tied to the adult child syndrome, since the false self serves as the link between the two.

5. Codependence and the Brain:

Codependence is both additive and breeds addictions. People’s actions are usually motivated by rewards and, in this case, the reward is the temporary disconnection from their painful pasts by focusing on others and the belief that doing so will bring them happiness and fulfillment, as they attempt to avoid their own emptiness and negative self-feelings.

Although they feel flawed because of their upbringing, the real flaw is that an external source can fill and replace an internal one. The more they look toward others, the more they deny and disconnect from their own needs, wants, and deficits.

“This love deficit condemns us to an existence of addiction, para-alcoholism, codependence, or seeking some other outward source to heal an inward feeling of being unwanted or defective,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. 438).

Although certain strategies can temporarily relieve their adverse condition, such as avoiding, depending, obsessing, and compulsing, excessive reliance upon them, as ultimately occurs with codependence, exaggerates them and elevates them to addiction levels, transforming their “benefits” into deficits. Yet doing so is not a solution, since it fails to address the underlying reason for it and only ends up creating what can be considered a byproduct problem.

The more a person seeks gratification to rise above his unresolved past, the more he reinforces the neuro-pathway to pleasure in his brain, cementing the belief that this “other-person” addiction can provide satisfaction through external means-so much so, in fact, that the moment his “fix” is removed or is even threatened to be removed, he crashes and falls back into his pit of pain.

Like all addictions, however, its affects to not end there: indeed, the brain eventually creates a tolerance for them, demanding ever greater quantities, frequencies, and intensities to satisfy him, until he becomes that proverbial binary star, orbiting around others, unable to function without them, as he becomes nothing more than his mirror image.

“Just as we develop a tolerance to the effects of chemicals, we develop a tolerance to the effects of our behaviors… ,” according to Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse and Joseph Cruse in their book, “Understanding Codependency: The Science Behind it and How to Break the Cycle” (Health Communications, 2012, p. 33). “This vicious, one-way circle is a trap that ends in depression, isolation, institutions, and sometimes death.”

Excessive psychological and emotional reliance on others is, in essence, an exaggeration of normal personality traits and can ultimately disable a person, culminating in the disease of codependence. The way the body can quickly become dependent upon mood-altering chemicals, it can equally become physically dependent upon behaviors to the point that compulsions serve as his armament.

“The disease of codependency can be seen as a personal struggle with a variety of compulsive disorders,” Wegscheider-Cruse and Cruse wrote (Ibid, p. 131). “People… have lived in a condition of denial, distorted feelings, and compulsive behaviors, and as a result they have developed low self-worth, deep shame, inadequacy, and anger.”

But the codependent erroneously believes two mistruths. One is that he is intrinsically flawed and the other is that someone outside of himself can fill what he already possesses inside of himself.

6. Recovery:

Problems can be painful, but can often point to solutions-or, at the very least, that they need to be sought.

“Rather than being simply an escape from reality,” wrote Whitfield in “Co-Dependence: Healing the Human Condition” (Health Communications, 1991, p. 98), “codependence is also a search. It starts out as a search for happiness and fulfillment outside ourselves. After repeated frustration, it ultimately becomes a search for inner wholeness and completion.”

Unless recovery is undertaken, usually through therapy and twelve-step program venues, and understanding is achieved, the mistreatment, dysfunction, and abuse that causes a person’s early wound and transforms him into an adult child will only perpetuate, suppressing, paralyzing, or altogether removing the tenets of positive emotions, trust, and love needed for healthy human life and increasing the chances of its byproduct, codependence, by placing him on the fruitless path of looking outside of himself for fulfillment until it reaches addiction levels.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Understanding the Necessary Changes for Adult Education

When a person decides to continue their education beyond high school, many times they will assume that this new education will be similar to the old education they received. The prospective student makes plans to do what they did before. After all, it worked then, so it should work now. This assumption of similarity leads many new adult students so far astray that they cannot modify their behavior, which means they will typically not complete their program of study, and will not receive the desired degree. All from a bad assumption.

The Cause of the Differences

The reasons high school and adult educations are so different stem from two distinct differences between the two styles of education: the source and the target. When you change the source of the education process, which is the beliefs and assumptions about the student, and the target of the education process, which is the desired level of understanding, it is not unreasonable that the process will change as well.

Adult education starts from a very different image of the student than high school. A high school student usually lives at home, with some level of support from parents. A high school student is also relatively free of responsibilities; very seldom does a high school student have a full-time job, a family, and a household to support. And a high school student is typically very inexperienced in running their own lives. Adult students tend to live on their own, with jobs and families and other responsibilities which must be balanced with school. Briefly, high school students are adolescents while adult students are, well, adults.

The goal of a high school education is to provide a foundational level of understanding of the world the student will be entering. High school classes are designed for a general population and to provide an understanding of the skills and knowledge that is needed for a new adult. Adult education is designed for a much more focused result, providing a more in-depth understanding of a particular subject matter. This focus means that other skills and other aspects of the student are ignored by the courses of an adult program of study.

Implications for the Student

An adult student must approach their courses with a different mindset, and a different set of behaviors, than a high school student. The adult student is given more control over their behavior, and more responsibility.

An adult student is responsible for making sure the work for the class is done, not the teacher. The student will be periodically reminded about missing and upcoming work, but the responsibility for getting the work done is the student’s, not the teacher’s. Many teachers will not allow for late work, or will penalize late work severely. And much of the work of adult classes is done outside of the class.

Classes in adult education cover more material in the same period of time. The teacher will often cover the material once or twice with the assumption that any student who does not understand will work outside of class to learn it and/or will come visit the instructor during office hours. While the adult can expect some repetition in the class, it will be significantly less than what they experienced in high school.

Adult students need to practice time management to a much greater degree than high school students. This need for time management comes from both the increased work load from the course and from the other facets of the student’s life. Adult students are assumed to handle this time management, and if they are having problems they need to seek the necessary help.

Finally, adult students are responsible for their own commitment to the course. High school teachers, given the adolescent nature of their students, are constantly working to get the student to understand why something is studied. This is much less important to an adult teacher; while an adult teacher may provide some justification for the study of certain subjects, the justification for being in school should already be present in an adult student. It is, after all, the student’s choice to attend.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

The Adult Child Syndrome

What exactly is an adult child? Is he a miniaturized adult who somehow never crossed the border from childhood? Was his maturity and development somehow stunted? Does he behave differently? What could have caused all of this to begin with?

“The term ‘adult child’ is used to describe adults who grew up in alcoholic or dysfunctional homes and who exhibit identifiable traits that reveal past abuse or neglect,” according to the “Adult Children of Alcoholics” textbook (World Service Organization, 2006, p. xiii).

“(It) means that we respond to adult interactions with the fear and self-doubt learned as children,” it continues (p. 3). “The undercurrent of hidden fear can sabotage our choices and relationships. We can appear outwardly confident while living with a constant question of our worth.”

But it is much more than this. Home, as is often said, is where the heart is, but in those of adult children there was most likely little heart, when “heart” is defined as “love.”

Self-worth and -esteem result from parental warmth, nurture, respect, clearly defined limits and boundaries, and, above all, love, yet adult children received fewer of these qualities than they needed. Whether their parents were alcoholic, dysfunctional, or abusive people, or they exhibited this behavior without the liquid substance because they themselves were exposed to it during their own upbringings, their children fielded, reacted to, and just downright survived it without choice, recourse, defense, or protection.

Despite advancing age, they all share the same inadequate, anxiety-based feelings which force them into lonely and isolated exile, cut off from the world, but very much suffering in the one they were forced to create in their minds. Suspended in time, their negative and inferior self-feelings, image, and beliefs neither unravel nor die out until and unless recovery intervention methods arrest their downward spiral.

The severity of their home environments is sometimes subtle, but not to be underestimated and not entirely conveyable to those who were never exposed to them by words alone.

“Being home was like being in hell,” according to Janet Geringer Woititz in her book, “Adult Children of Alcoholics” (Health Communications, 1983, p. 9). “The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The nervous, angry feeling was in the air. Nobody had to say a word, as everybody could feel it… There was no way to get away from it, no place to hide… ”

Although they felt physically and emotionally alone, their thoughts, emotions, fears, feelings, and impairments were and are shared by approximately 28 million other adult children in the United States alone-or one in every eight-yet they never identified themselves as belonging to this group if they had even heard of the term.

Exposed, from an early age, to detrimental behavior and often fighting to survive it, they paradoxically attributed it to their own inadequacies and unloveability, unknowingly causing the rewire of their brains to do so, which ultimately impaired their functioning and arrested their development.

In the mostly unlikely event that their parents expunged themselves from their own denial, took responsibility for their damaging behavior, and explained the origin of it, their offspring quickly accepted this abnormality as “normal.” Because they felt so different and defective, why would they divulge this secret about themselves that they desperately tried to conceal from others?

A child determines who he is by the input of the significant people around him. Initially, he finds out who he is by what other people say to him and he internalizes these messages.

“Messages,” however, are not just shelved thoughts, but painful, buried feelings.
You are not willing to acknowledge the intensity of feelings that children are bound to have when the bond between them and their parents is threatened.

And that bond may be the first thing that breaks them and interrupts their development toward adulthood.

Although they may have made transformative adjustments and Herculean efforts to survive parents whose betraying, harmful behavior was fueled by alcoholic toxins, they attempted to manage and decipher irrationality and emerged as physically identifiable adults, but did so with frightened inner children who viewed the world the way it was portrayed in their homes-of-origin.

Because they learned what they lived, as do all children, they saw others through unresolved wounds and adopted distorted realities, believing that their parents were representatives of them and were left with little choice but to pursue their paths with distrust and survival-augmenting traits and characteristics, never having understood why they were so treated nor having emotionally extricated themselves from the circumstances.

“Adult children of alcoholics… are especially vulnerable to the pull of past experiences and past survival tactics,” wrote Emily Marlin in “Hope: New Choices and Recovery Strategies for Adult Children of Alcoholics” (Harper and Row Publishers, 1987, pp. xiii-xiv). “Many of us came to function as adults under the painful influences of the families in which we were raised. Often, we continue to be plagued with feelings of hurt, anger, fear, humiliation, sadness, shame, guilt, shyness, being different, confusion, unworthiness, isolation, distrust, anxiety, and depression.”

She emphasizes how yesterday’s environment influences today’s view.

Too often, children who grew up in unhappy homes fall into the habit of viewing the world today in the same bleak way of yesterday.

So pinned to this past can they become, that there is sometimes difficulty in differentiating it from the present.

Our memories of the past are often so strong and painful, that the slightest association can take us back to these troubled, unhappy times-and we think that a similar situation in the present is going to have the same old results.

Frozen incidents, abuses, feelings, and wounds further ensure that they remain emotionally mired at their points of creation, despite what their physical ages may say to the contrary. If defrosted, they may fear an avalanche, ultimately fearing their fear and resulting, at times, in child-like behavior, further pinning them to their pasts.

No matter what our age, no matter how terrible our rage, we never really leave home. And, as many adult children of alcoholics know only too well, we cannot escape our families simply by creating physical or emotional distance.

Indeed, because of ill-defined boundaries, the internalization of their parents, and their unresolved negative emotions, they take them with them. They are inside of them now as much as they had been outside of them then.

Yet they may not know this until reactions, fears, and their inability to optimally function alert them when they allegedly enter the adult phase of their lives.

Growing up in the highly stressful environment of an alcoholic family creates wounds that often go underground. When they emerge later in life, it isn’t easy to connect these wounds with their real source.

Part of this dilemma stems from the denial they were forced to adopt to minimize the danger to which they were routinely exposed.

Adult children of alcoholics have to avoid being fully aware of the potential explosiveness of their parent’s alcoholism in order to maintain some semblance of normalcy in their daily lives.

Surviving a childhood such as this results in numerous behavioral manifestations, the first of which is defining what normalcy even is.

Adult children of alcoholics guess at which normal is. They simply have no experience with it.

That their experience was “abnormal” was never acknowledged, since no one gave even a nod toward, much less explanation of, the volatile, sometimes damaging enactments that played out in their homes.

While “normal” may not be a mathematical formula or distinct set of rules, its common denominator in healthy families is the love that emotionally binds its members together, while denial in unhealthy ones is the one that tears them apart.
Because the former was often absent, they may seek this normalcy later in life by observing and then attempting to imitate others they believe portray it.

But as long as you are choosing actions and feelings to reflect what you imagine to be normal, your experience can never be beyond feeling as if you are normal.

They may, however, achieve academy award statuses as actors.

Many adult children of alcoholics, even some of those in deep denial, are aware of a strange split within themselves between how competent they may look on the outside and how much of a loss they feel internally.

Although they may not know that their feelings are different from those of others, they usually realize that the behavior of others does not seem to reflect the feelings they have and consequently may subtly and subconsciously begin to suspect that theirs are different.

Another manifestation of the adult child syndrome is distrust. Having lived in an unstable, unsafe, and unpredictable environment in which psychological, emotional, mental, and physical abuse was most likely administered with almost routine regularity, and having had their trust betrayed by the very parents who should have most been there to protect them, they learned to negotiate the world in a distrusting, sometimes hypervigilant state.

Growing up in combat zones makes children very self-protective. Our survival depended upon our ability to react first and think later. We often had to remove ourselves from dangerous situations. After growing up, we are likely to continue reacting quickly. Not being able to trust people put us on the defensive.

Following well-worn neuropathways and filtering people and situations through the primitive brain’s amygdala, which controls a person’s fight or flight response, adult children subconsciously transpose their childhood circumstances to those of their adult ones, having no reason to doubt that, if their “loving” caregivers treated them in such detrimental manners, that those in the outside world who have far less invested in them will assuredly do the same

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off